Guilt; it's something we are all familiar with. For most of us not a day goes by that we don't feel guilty about something. Part of that is our culture which loves to make us feel guilty in order to try to modify our behavior. One ad makes us feel guilty for indulging in a dessert while another makes us feel guilty for NOT having indulged in a dessert. Or we are made to feel guilty about not working out or not spending more money on presents for loved ones. The list goes on and on but that isn't the type of guilt I want to talk about today. Today I want to talk about guilt and its roles when we sin or fall short.
So if I'm not talking about that kind of guilt what kind am I talking about and is it good or is it bad? Well, there are two types of guilt that impact our spiritual lives. The first is conviction. Conviction is what we might call "good guilt". Dictionary.com defines guilt this way: the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: Since by sinning we have transgressed God's moral law we are guilty and God is right to convict us of that sin. Conviction is brought by the Holy Spirit and is designed to bring us to a point of repentance and ultimately into a deeper relationship with Christ. You see, when God convicts us it isn't to condemn us but to bring us correction. The Bible is full of examples of God correcting His children. The book of Proverbs tells us that those who heed God's correction are honored (Proverbs 13:18), show prudence (Proverbs 15:5), and gain understanding (Proverbs 15:32). By bringing conviction God is attempting to shape and mold us into the person He created us to be. It isn't for our destruction but our benefit.
Condemnation, on the other hand, is a completely different animal. It does not come from God but from the Enemy. It is the form of guilt that seeks to separate us from God and destroy us which is why I refer to it as "bad guilt". Where conviction desires to see us return to God and be forgiven condemnation seeks to enslave us and shame us into hiding from God. It doesn't want to see us forgiven, it wants to see us forever separated from God in the hopes that we will never see heaven. Obviously this isn't something that we want as part of our lives and for those of us who have placed our faith in Christ the Bible tells us that there is no longer any condemnation for us now that we are in Christ (Romans 8:1) so how is it that we sometimes find ourselves under condemnation?
Our inner zombie isn't our friend and wants us to return to the darkness from which Christ saved us. It is an opportunist and so when it manages to get us to sin it then takes the conviction that the Holy Spirit within us brings and attempts to disguise it as condemnation. It is when we buy into that lie that we find ourselves no longer being drawn to God through conviction but instead find ourselves feeling isolated from God. Our zombie wants us to feel as though the transgression is so great that God won't take us back. If we feel that way we will most often run and hide as we cannot bear the thought that we have wounded God so grievously that He would turn His back on us.
So what are we to do then? We need to be ever vigilant not to allow ourselves to fall victim to the lie that conviction is the same as condemnation. If the guilt we are experiencing isn't prompting us to seek God and His forgiveness but instead is urging us to run from God then we need to call it what it is and remember Romans 8:1-6 which says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; -NIV" We need to also remember 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. -NLT" Self-discipline to remember that those of us who have placed our faith in Christ do not have to live under condemnation but can come to God, ask for and receive His forgiveness and then draw closer to Him. The closer we grow to God the more often we will win in our skirmishes with the zombie inside.
Fight the Zombie Inside
Romans 7:15-25
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Isolation Tactics
I'd like to talk about something that has been on my heart and mind lately. I've begun to notice something that, up until now, hadn't really registered. I've known for a while now that my inner zombie wants to gain control of me and send me running back into the darkness which I was born into but was delivered from through my faith in Jesus. When in active combat with the zombie I am aware of it's presence and that it is trying to wrestle control from my spirit but when I am not in a struggle with my zombie I tend not to give it much thought. I'm beginning to think that has been a mistake.
In verse 7 it talks about casting our anxiety on God because He cares for us. Anxiety can be a big factor in our becoming isolated from those around us. We tend to not want people to see us as weak and so when stress begins to build we tend to try to hide what we're feeling and in doing so we build a wall of sorts to keep others from seeing just how bad things are getting. In doing this we are separating ourselves from our support and making ourselves a more appealing target. You see, when we are under stress we tend to forget that there are brothers and sisters around the world who are dealing with similar issues to what we are facing. We get it into our heads that we are the only ones dealing with a situation like the one we currently find ourselves in. When we begin thinking that way our natural inclination is to remove ourselves from the company of others for fear that we will be exposed and therefore become an object of shame and ridicule.
Verse 8 talks about the devil looking for someone to devour. In comparing the devil to a lion Peter is giving us a glimpse into the enemies tactics. When lions hunt, they, like most predators, will go after a prey item that is isolated from the rest of its group and bring it down by taking it by surprise. The devil operates in much the same way, he looks for someone who is isolated and then attacks when they are the most vulnerable. Usually this is when they are stressed out and paying the least amount of attention. Since the devil and his demons can't be everywhere at once our inner zombie plays a significant role in this hunt. Since our zombie is a loyal soldier in the Enemy's camp it is always watching us, waiting for the perfect moment to strike and while it will occasionally call for reinforcements it most often launches its attacks all on its own.
I find it interesting, however, that the first part of verse 8 talks about being self-controlled and alert. So even though I've known the last half of this verse for years I have to admit that I hadn't noticed the first part at all but that is the part that I think is key to being able to carry out verse 9's exhortation to stand firm and resist the devil.
Galatians 5:16-26 talks about living by the Spirit of God and in verses 22 and 23 it lists the fruits of the Spirit in which we find self-control among the listed fruits. It should come as no surprise then that self-control is key in resisting the devil. Being self-controlled means that we are alert and aware of what is going on in and around us and so we become much less of a target. A lion is looking for prey that isn't paying attention as it might be spotted and will have expended energy with nothing to show for it. Also, by being self-controlled we are more prepared to put up a fight should we find ourselves under attack from without or within. It also means that we are more tightly in tune with the Holy Spirit within us and are therefore able to mount a formidable defense and may even be positioned to go on the offense should the situation lend itself to such a tactic.
All of that to say that our inner zombie is always on the prowl and so we must be alert to its presence and tactics. In being aware of that simple fact we should draw close to God and ask Him to develop within us Godly self-control that we might be best able to resist when the inevitable attack comes. Lastly, we should remember that we aren't the only ones facing whatever circumstance we currently find ourselves in. In fact 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." By remembering that it should help us to remember not to allow ourselves to become isolated either from God or our brothers and sisters in Christ as they can help us to overcome.
You see, I am not the most observant of people and if something is not on my immediate radar I tend to not give much thought to it. I simply go about tending to what is on my radar. I'm beginning to think that I am always on my zombie's radar and that it uses these times when I'm not paying attention to it to work behind the scenes to get me in a position where it can gain the advantage. I guess I'm like a Captain on the front lines who hasn't been attacked on the left flank in a while and so I stop paying attention to it while unbeknownst to me my enemy is quietly moving forces there in order to launch a surprise attack.
The thing I keep forgetting is that my zombie is in cahoots with Satan. My zombie hates the light and actually wants me to be devoured be the enemy so it can live in the darkness permanently. In 1 Peter 5:7-9 says:
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.In verse 7 it talks about casting our anxiety on God because He cares for us. Anxiety can be a big factor in our becoming isolated from those around us. We tend to not want people to see us as weak and so when stress begins to build we tend to try to hide what we're feeling and in doing so we build a wall of sorts to keep others from seeing just how bad things are getting. In doing this we are separating ourselves from our support and making ourselves a more appealing target. You see, when we are under stress we tend to forget that there are brothers and sisters around the world who are dealing with similar issues to what we are facing. We get it into our heads that we are the only ones dealing with a situation like the one we currently find ourselves in. When we begin thinking that way our natural inclination is to remove ourselves from the company of others for fear that we will be exposed and therefore become an object of shame and ridicule.
Verse 8 talks about the devil looking for someone to devour. In comparing the devil to a lion Peter is giving us a glimpse into the enemies tactics. When lions hunt, they, like most predators, will go after a prey item that is isolated from the rest of its group and bring it down by taking it by surprise. The devil operates in much the same way, he looks for someone who is isolated and then attacks when they are the most vulnerable. Usually this is when they are stressed out and paying the least amount of attention. Since the devil and his demons can't be everywhere at once our inner zombie plays a significant role in this hunt. Since our zombie is a loyal soldier in the Enemy's camp it is always watching us, waiting for the perfect moment to strike and while it will occasionally call for reinforcements it most often launches its attacks all on its own.
I find it interesting, however, that the first part of verse 8 talks about being self-controlled and alert. So even though I've known the last half of this verse for years I have to admit that I hadn't noticed the first part at all but that is the part that I think is key to being able to carry out verse 9's exhortation to stand firm and resist the devil.
Galatians 5:16-26 talks about living by the Spirit of God and in verses 22 and 23 it lists the fruits of the Spirit in which we find self-control among the listed fruits. It should come as no surprise then that self-control is key in resisting the devil. Being self-controlled means that we are alert and aware of what is going on in and around us and so we become much less of a target. A lion is looking for prey that isn't paying attention as it might be spotted and will have expended energy with nothing to show for it. Also, by being self-controlled we are more prepared to put up a fight should we find ourselves under attack from without or within. It also means that we are more tightly in tune with the Holy Spirit within us and are therefore able to mount a formidable defense and may even be positioned to go on the offense should the situation lend itself to such a tactic.
All of that to say that our inner zombie is always on the prowl and so we must be alert to its presence and tactics. In being aware of that simple fact we should draw close to God and ask Him to develop within us Godly self-control that we might be best able to resist when the inevitable attack comes. Lastly, we should remember that we aren't the only ones facing whatever circumstance we currently find ourselves in. In fact 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." By remembering that it should help us to remember not to allow ourselves to become isolated either from God or our brothers and sisters in Christ as they can help us to overcome.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Another Zombie Resource
This theme of battling the inner zombie has been on my mind for several years. As a singer/song writer I have spent most of it trying to write a song about it rather than just write about it. While I have (finally!) succeeded in doing just that God has made it apparent that I wasn't the only person who He was impressing this upon. How do I know that? Simple, someone DID write about it.
The book is called the Christian Zombie Killers Handbook - Slaying the Living Dead Within (http://www.amazon.com/The-Christian-Zombie-Killers-Handbook/dp/1595554386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335194664&sr=8-1) and it is a fantastic book. The author takes what could be a very dry subject and turns it into not only an entertaining book but one that is a fairly quick read. He does this by starting every chapter with part of a fictitious story about a guy named Ben who lives in a world where physical zombies are real and are becoming an increasing menace. Each section of the fictitious story illustrates the point he's going to make in that chapter so going back and forth between reading about Ben and reading about what the author has to say about the subject flows fairly well.
The book does a great job of laying out what scripture says about this inner battle. It is very thorough and thoughtful at the same time. If you get a chance I would recommend picking this up, it is definitely worth reading.
The book is called the Christian Zombie Killers Handbook - Slaying the Living Dead Within (http://www.amazon.com/The-Christian-Zombie-Killers-Handbook/dp/1595554386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335194664&sr=8-1) and it is a fantastic book. The author takes what could be a very dry subject and turns it into not only an entertaining book but one that is a fairly quick read. He does this by starting every chapter with part of a fictitious story about a guy named Ben who lives in a world where physical zombies are real and are becoming an increasing menace. Each section of the fictitious story illustrates the point he's going to make in that chapter so going back and forth between reading about Ben and reading about what the author has to say about the subject flows fairly well.
The book does a great job of laying out what scripture says about this inner battle. It is very thorough and thoughtful at the same time. If you get a chance I would recommend picking this up, it is definitely worth reading.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Hunger and the Zombie
My wife and I are youth leaders and this past Friday (April 20th, 2012) we led our students in World Vision's 30 Hour Famine. Wow, what an experience. Over the course of the 30 hours we learned about the countries of Kenya, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, and Bolivia. The students played games that taught them how hard life can be when you are hungry or have to walk miles one way to get water. They learned about how malaria is killing thousands of children when a simple bed net can help solve the problem. Of course the entire time I was interested in seeing what being hungry for that long would do to the inner zombie...
Actually, it took longer than I thought for the first zombie to really emerge. At about 10pm the littlest among us, my daughter Winter, lost it. Earlier in the day they had made shelters out of found materials such as cardboard, twine, scraps of tarps, etc. She was very proud of her tribe's shelter and it was damaged during the late night game. For a while she just cried in the corner and then, all of a sudden, with no warning at all she went nuts on the kids playing the game. Now she was only 9 (she had been receiving meal replacement shakes because of her age) and here kids twice her age suddenly found themselves on the wrong end of her fury! Winter is normally a very happy go lucky girl and not too much bothers her so these kids had never seen her in a rage and had no idea what to do. Fortunately for the other students her mother, my wife, was there to pull her back and send her downstairs. Unfortunately for her my zombie had heard the howl of hers and had managed to catch me off guard and take control.
To say that the confrontation between our two zombies was brief is certainly true but it was hideously ugly none the less. She hadn't even made it down the stairs and I whisked her away to one of the classrooms in the church, read her the riot act for her behavior and shut the door and made her wait 5 minutes in solitary confinement. Of course once the shock of being closed in a room by herself wore off she started a temper tantrum in the room with much banging on the table therein. This action by her zombie infuriated mine and so in I went with my zombie on full howl. She quickly discovered that perhaps it hadn't been the best move to have let loose as she had and her zombie retreated leaving her to deal with mine.
The whole thing was over in less than 10 minutes but as I regained control I could see that it had had a profound affect on those who witnessed it. Most of them had never seen either of us go off the deep end like that and you could see in their eyes that they never wanted to witness it again. The rest of the evening was fairly quiet and despite many of them talking big about staying up all night it wasn't long until everyone fell asleep. This had all happened just 11 hours into the Famine.
The next day you could see the other zombies stirring as the day wore on. Chips began to form on shoulders, snide remarks became the standard, and some people who had been fairly jovial were beginning to get annoyed at every little thing. By the time clean up time came many zombies had all but taken over their hosts and you could see it in the hosts eyes. Then came the time to break the fast. All the kids thought we were going to lay out a spread right then and there but we didn't. We broke the fast with CSB. peanut butter balls. CSB stands for Corn Soy Blend and is what is given to people suffering from extreme and/or extended malnutrition. It is very nutritious but has a weird taste and texture and is bland in the extreme. In the state these kids were in it was easy for their zombies to take over and the complaints started to fly! I think many of them remembered the night before so no one got crazy but they were NOT happy that we had not given them "real" food and weren't shy about letting us know what they thought of the CSB and our serving it to them. They didn't care one bit that this was what was served to starving people and that we had wanted them to have just a taste (literally) of what these folks had to deal with when they had been starving for an extended period of time. The peanut butter balls, which are also a food given to folks who have gone hungry for an extended period, helped soothe the savage beasts. Of course there were a few students who were just thrilled to have something, anything to eat and enjoyed several helpings of the CSB. I thisnk they got the point of the exercise.
In looking back I suppose I should have anticipated that being that hungry could set the stage for a full on zombie take over but I hadn't and while I find it interesting to see that in groups zombies seem to establish a sort of hierarchy I would have been much more satisfied with the whole event if mine hadn't been one of the zombies let loose. Next year I will be better prepared...I hope.
So what did I learn? That you must be ever vigilant in the fight against the Zombie inside. Doubly or triply so when you are in stressful circumstances because when your body is in survival mode that's when you are most vulnerable to a zombie attack. When you are weakened physically, mentally, spiritually or any combination of the three you should increase your zombie threat level to red because an attack is imminent.
Actually, it took longer than I thought for the first zombie to really emerge. At about 10pm the littlest among us, my daughter Winter, lost it. Earlier in the day they had made shelters out of found materials such as cardboard, twine, scraps of tarps, etc. She was very proud of her tribe's shelter and it was damaged during the late night game. For a while she just cried in the corner and then, all of a sudden, with no warning at all she went nuts on the kids playing the game. Now she was only 9 (she had been receiving meal replacement shakes because of her age) and here kids twice her age suddenly found themselves on the wrong end of her fury! Winter is normally a very happy go lucky girl and not too much bothers her so these kids had never seen her in a rage and had no idea what to do. Fortunately for the other students her mother, my wife, was there to pull her back and send her downstairs. Unfortunately for her my zombie had heard the howl of hers and had managed to catch me off guard and take control.
To say that the confrontation between our two zombies was brief is certainly true but it was hideously ugly none the less. She hadn't even made it down the stairs and I whisked her away to one of the classrooms in the church, read her the riot act for her behavior and shut the door and made her wait 5 minutes in solitary confinement. Of course once the shock of being closed in a room by herself wore off she started a temper tantrum in the room with much banging on the table therein. This action by her zombie infuriated mine and so in I went with my zombie on full howl. She quickly discovered that perhaps it hadn't been the best move to have let loose as she had and her zombie retreated leaving her to deal with mine.
The whole thing was over in less than 10 minutes but as I regained control I could see that it had had a profound affect on those who witnessed it. Most of them had never seen either of us go off the deep end like that and you could see in their eyes that they never wanted to witness it again. The rest of the evening was fairly quiet and despite many of them talking big about staying up all night it wasn't long until everyone fell asleep. This had all happened just 11 hours into the Famine.
The next day you could see the other zombies stirring as the day wore on. Chips began to form on shoulders, snide remarks became the standard, and some people who had been fairly jovial were beginning to get annoyed at every little thing. By the time clean up time came many zombies had all but taken over their hosts and you could see it in the hosts eyes. Then came the time to break the fast. All the kids thought we were going to lay out a spread right then and there but we didn't. We broke the fast with CSB. peanut butter balls. CSB stands for Corn Soy Blend and is what is given to people suffering from extreme and/or extended malnutrition. It is very nutritious but has a weird taste and texture and is bland in the extreme. In the state these kids were in it was easy for their zombies to take over and the complaints started to fly! I think many of them remembered the night before so no one got crazy but they were NOT happy that we had not given them "real" food and weren't shy about letting us know what they thought of the CSB and our serving it to them. They didn't care one bit that this was what was served to starving people and that we had wanted them to have just a taste (literally) of what these folks had to deal with when they had been starving for an extended period of time. The peanut butter balls, which are also a food given to folks who have gone hungry for an extended period, helped soothe the savage beasts. Of course there were a few students who were just thrilled to have something, anything to eat and enjoyed several helpings of the CSB. I thisnk they got the point of the exercise.
In looking back I suppose I should have anticipated that being that hungry could set the stage for a full on zombie take over but I hadn't and while I find it interesting to see that in groups zombies seem to establish a sort of hierarchy I would have been much more satisfied with the whole event if mine hadn't been one of the zombies let loose. Next year I will be better prepared...I hope.
So what did I learn? That you must be ever vigilant in the fight against the Zombie inside. Doubly or triply so when you are in stressful circumstances because when your body is in survival mode that's when you are most vulnerable to a zombie attack. When you are weakened physically, mentally, spiritually or any combination of the three you should increase your zombie threat level to red because an attack is imminent.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
There are two things I swore I'd never do. The first was Tweeting. I said it was stupid and I'd never have an account. You can now follow me at @fighthezombie. The second was blogging. I couldn't figure out why people would even want to do it. Obviously if you're reading this you already know that I might be getting a clue about that as well. That said you might be wondering why the sudden change of heart? Why start now? I'll tell you why.
I discovered this week that just writing the first blog post was therapeutic for me. I never would have guessed that blogging could be a tool for fighting the inner zombie. Of course when I wrote the first entry I never would have guessed that anyone would actually read it! Imagine my surprise when I got an email from my best friend who had run across it and thought I could use a few words of encouragement. He was right of course but that wasn't why I had written it, to illicit sympathy from others. I simply needed to get my thoughts out of my head.
So what was it about that simple act of writing that helped me so much? I think it was the fact that these thoughts were no longer just rattling around in my brain with all the other thoughts and emotions. There was something about having to organize them in order to write them out that helped me get a grip on exactly what I was thinking and feeling. It also gave me the ability to go back and re-read what I had written the next day and that helped give me clarity as I could look at the situation from a more dispassionate position. The thing I think that was the most powerful though was that I was able to give the part of me that desires to follow Christ more than anything in the world a clear, strong voice.
If you've ever tried to hear what someone is saying while at a large sporting venue with tens of thousands of cheering fans you'll know what I mean by giving the Spirit within me a clear, strong voice. When everyone else is cheering it's almost impossible to talk to the person seated right next to you. If you aren't a person with a strong voice you will be drown out. Even if you do have that strong voice you have to really project to be heard even a little bit. You see, the zombie inside is like the cheering fans only it howls in rage inside your mind trying it's best to drown out the voice of it's enemy. It knows that if it can keep your spirit from hearing clearly from the Holy Spirit then you might falter and listen instead to the louder voice. This happens to all of us far more often than I think we'd like to admit. What I have discovered is that writing actually DOES help. So for all the folks I've ever looked at funny or scoffed at for blogging you have my most sincere apologies. It turns out that, as usual, I'm a little slow on the uptake in these matters. Oh well, I can appreciate the irony and am actually getting a chuckle out of it.
Most Holy Father, I cannot thank you enough for revealing to me yet another way to fight the zombie inside. Lord lead me and guide me by your Holy Spirit into all truth and help me to stand strong against my inner zombie.
I discovered this week that just writing the first blog post was therapeutic for me. I never would have guessed that blogging could be a tool for fighting the inner zombie. Of course when I wrote the first entry I never would have guessed that anyone would actually read it! Imagine my surprise when I got an email from my best friend who had run across it and thought I could use a few words of encouragement. He was right of course but that wasn't why I had written it, to illicit sympathy from others. I simply needed to get my thoughts out of my head.
So what was it about that simple act of writing that helped me so much? I think it was the fact that these thoughts were no longer just rattling around in my brain with all the other thoughts and emotions. There was something about having to organize them in order to write them out that helped me get a grip on exactly what I was thinking and feeling. It also gave me the ability to go back and re-read what I had written the next day and that helped give me clarity as I could look at the situation from a more dispassionate position. The thing I think that was the most powerful though was that I was able to give the part of me that desires to follow Christ more than anything in the world a clear, strong voice.
If you've ever tried to hear what someone is saying while at a large sporting venue with tens of thousands of cheering fans you'll know what I mean by giving the Spirit within me a clear, strong voice. When everyone else is cheering it's almost impossible to talk to the person seated right next to you. If you aren't a person with a strong voice you will be drown out. Even if you do have that strong voice you have to really project to be heard even a little bit. You see, the zombie inside is like the cheering fans only it howls in rage inside your mind trying it's best to drown out the voice of it's enemy. It knows that if it can keep your spirit from hearing clearly from the Holy Spirit then you might falter and listen instead to the louder voice. This happens to all of us far more often than I think we'd like to admit. What I have discovered is that writing actually DOES help. So for all the folks I've ever looked at funny or scoffed at for blogging you have my most sincere apologies. It turns out that, as usual, I'm a little slow on the uptake in these matters. Oh well, I can appreciate the irony and am actually getting a chuckle out of it.
Most Holy Father, I cannot thank you enough for revealing to me yet another way to fight the zombie inside. Lord lead me and guide me by your Holy Spirit into all truth and help me to stand strong against my inner zombie.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Inner zombie?!
Fighting the inner zombie? What is THAT all about. Well in a nutshell it is the battle that all Christians fight within themselves. We know we are "saved" and are trying to live our lives in a way pleasing to Christ but find ourselves doing and saying things we shouldn't. The crazy thing is that we KNOW we shouldn't do or say it even as it happens. We aren't the only ones who have faced this. Paul devotes most of Romans 7 to the topic. Starting in verse 15 he says this, "15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.22For in my inner being I delight in God's law;23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?25Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
I am currently in a pitched battle myself. I have been hurt by many close to me and to be fair some of their accusations are valid and there are areas I need to work on. However much has transpired that has me ready to wash my hands of the whole situation and walk away. Will I? Honestly, I don't know. My emotions are screaming at me to lash out, hurt them like they've hurt me. My inner zombie wants me to unleash a verbal assault that will leave them scarred and broken for the rest of their lives. Another part of me just wants to walk away and try to forget I was ever involved with them in the first place. Twenty years ago I would have done the former. Fifteen years ago I would have done the latter, both times I would not have consulted God about what He wanted me to do. Now though I am older and God has taught me many things chief among those being that my feelings lie to me. I can't trust them in making decisions.
If I can't even follow my own heart (that's the worst advice ever in my opinion) than who can I trust? Who can I turn to during these times of duress? Certainly there are no end of opinions from folks around us but ultimately the only one in all of creation that is truly trustworthy and always knows what's best for us in our Father in heaven. Problem is, in times like these my natural inclination is to run away from the light, not towards it. The inner zombie knows this and uses it to it's advantage. It wants us to go back into the dark because it is tired of being locked away like a misbehaving pet (at best) or (at worst) being crucified daily. It makes us feel ashamed for even having thought about not running to God with the issue at hand and then tells us that since we're so evil for having thought that way we might as well just act on it since God won't want to have anything to do with us now!
Of course that's the exact opposite of what we need to do. We are imperfect beings and we have to fight to do what is right ever moment of every day, or at least I do. Like Paul I daily find myself doing or saying things I know I shouldn't and that in my spirit I don't want to do. As I've matured spiritually the daily things have become easier to overcome (though the battle still takes place) but when the big storms, the nor'easters if you will, assault us that's when the battle really begins. And I'll be honest, I don't always win.
You see, I hate confrontation of any kind.and when it comes my body dumps adrenaline into my system at gallons per second. When that happens I can no longer think straight. I want out and if I can't get "out" then I attack. Not physically mind you, but verbally. Growing up that was what was modeled in my house and I learned my lessons all too well. Well enough that even if I do get away from the situation the adrenaline flows for hours afterwards and the most horrible things I could possibly do to the person(s) that hurt me go racing through my head. Quite honestly, it scares me almost to death when I see myself go into this pattern. I feel like Bruce Banner watching from inside his mind as the Hulk tears around, completely out of control.
So if I know this about myself how do I battle it? Constant prayer. I don't necessarily sequester myself away from the world for days on end but I do pray whenever I am alone or find myself beginning to fantasize about what I could say or do to inflict harm on the object of my hurt/wrath. I also find solace in playing my guitar and praising God in the midst of the storm. You see, when I am in this state I have a hard time hearing anything above the sounds of battle raging in my mind. It takes me a long time to be able to distinguish God's voice from my own. I know that if I'm not careful I will either miss God's voice or worse, ignore Him altogether.
Lord I ask right now that you would calm my inner storm. That you would bring me to a place of peace where I can hear you clearly. Forgive me for the things I have said and thought. Show me where to place my feet that I might walk in the victory that you have already provided me because right now I need that more than anything!
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.22For in my inner being I delight in God's law;23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?25Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
I am currently in a pitched battle myself. I have been hurt by many close to me and to be fair some of their accusations are valid and there are areas I need to work on. However much has transpired that has me ready to wash my hands of the whole situation and walk away. Will I? Honestly, I don't know. My emotions are screaming at me to lash out, hurt them like they've hurt me. My inner zombie wants me to unleash a verbal assault that will leave them scarred and broken for the rest of their lives. Another part of me just wants to walk away and try to forget I was ever involved with them in the first place. Twenty years ago I would have done the former. Fifteen years ago I would have done the latter, both times I would not have consulted God about what He wanted me to do. Now though I am older and God has taught me many things chief among those being that my feelings lie to me. I can't trust them in making decisions.
If I can't even follow my own heart (that's the worst advice ever in my opinion) than who can I trust? Who can I turn to during these times of duress? Certainly there are no end of opinions from folks around us but ultimately the only one in all of creation that is truly trustworthy and always knows what's best for us in our Father in heaven. Problem is, in times like these my natural inclination is to run away from the light, not towards it. The inner zombie knows this and uses it to it's advantage. It wants us to go back into the dark because it is tired of being locked away like a misbehaving pet (at best) or (at worst) being crucified daily. It makes us feel ashamed for even having thought about not running to God with the issue at hand and then tells us that since we're so evil for having thought that way we might as well just act on it since God won't want to have anything to do with us now!
Of course that's the exact opposite of what we need to do. We are imperfect beings and we have to fight to do what is right ever moment of every day, or at least I do. Like Paul I daily find myself doing or saying things I know I shouldn't and that in my spirit I don't want to do. As I've matured spiritually the daily things have become easier to overcome (though the battle still takes place) but when the big storms, the nor'easters if you will, assault us that's when the battle really begins. And I'll be honest, I don't always win.
You see, I hate confrontation of any kind.and when it comes my body dumps adrenaline into my system at gallons per second. When that happens I can no longer think straight. I want out and if I can't get "out" then I attack. Not physically mind you, but verbally. Growing up that was what was modeled in my house and I learned my lessons all too well. Well enough that even if I do get away from the situation the adrenaline flows for hours afterwards and the most horrible things I could possibly do to the person(s) that hurt me go racing through my head. Quite honestly, it scares me almost to death when I see myself go into this pattern. I feel like Bruce Banner watching from inside his mind as the Hulk tears around, completely out of control.
So if I know this about myself how do I battle it? Constant prayer. I don't necessarily sequester myself away from the world for days on end but I do pray whenever I am alone or find myself beginning to fantasize about what I could say or do to inflict harm on the object of my hurt/wrath. I also find solace in playing my guitar and praising God in the midst of the storm. You see, when I am in this state I have a hard time hearing anything above the sounds of battle raging in my mind. It takes me a long time to be able to distinguish God's voice from my own. I know that if I'm not careful I will either miss God's voice or worse, ignore Him altogether.
Lord I ask right now that you would calm my inner storm. That you would bring me to a place of peace where I can hear you clearly. Forgive me for the things I have said and thought. Show me where to place my feet that I might walk in the victory that you have already provided me because right now I need that more than anything!
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