Change and the Zombie Inside

There are times in our lives when things change.  Sometimes we see it coming and sometimes we don't and sometimes we see it coming but hide our face in denial in hopes that it isn't real.  Irregardless change is one of the few true constants in life.  We all have to deal with it and some of us handle it better than others.

Change is a time when the zombie inside can wreak havoc in our lives if we let it.  Change by it's very nature brings uncertainty and that can lead to anxiety and fear.  It is when we are in these kinds of emotional states that we are most vulnerable to its influence.  

In times like these we need to be on our knees.  We need to be not just asking God for provision or direction but we need to spend at least as much time if not more listening for His voice and not making any move until we know we have heard from Him.  Of course once you have you need to act and with decisiveness and step out in faith.  Don't listen to the voices of fear and doubt, that's the zombie trying to get you to act impulsively or irrationally.  Once you go down that road it can be awfully hard to recover.

My wife and I currently find ourselves in a time of uncertainty and we have for several months now.  While things aren't heading exactly where we had hoped we are praying and trusting God to lead us and guide us by His Holy Spirit and we are constantly on our guard against the zombie inside... 

Abolition Movements

If you ask the average person in America if they oppose slavery, or if you're keen to be politically correct, human trafficing most people would say yes. Ask the same person if they consider themselves to be an abolitionist and you will most likely get a confused look and maybe some mumbling. It just isn't a term we heard used in our everyday lives but that is changing.

What is an abolitionist? Simply stated it is a person or group of people looking to abolish (i.e. do away with) something.  The term is most often linked with the nineteenth century movement to abolish human slavery in the British Empire and here in these United States of America.  I am happy to say that there are many examples of these same kinds of abolitionists around today and the numbers are growing thanks to organizations like Not For Sale. These organizations are opening peoples eyes to the fact that slavery still exists in the world, it simply isn't legal anymore. 

The fact that it is illegal does mean that there are now legal avenues that can be used to bring down slave owners, exploiters and merchants that weren't available to the folks in the nineteenth century and that is good but that isn't the whole issue. When we fight against slavery we are battling to change a mindset. People are human beings and, by the virtue of the fact that they ARE human, have an intrinsic value. The aren't property, they are PEOPLE.

You might be thinking, "Well, duh that's a no-brainer!" but traditionally slavery was justified by declaring that the slave wasn't, in fact, a genuine person but an animal and therefore could be owned as property. Those who enslaved others denied the personhood of the enslaved. That's why it took so long to make slavery illegal, you had to change the worldview of the slave owning culture so that they could accept that the enslaved were, in fact, people.

Now that term personhood is one that comes up in another societal debate. One that traditionally isn't associated with the term 'abolitionist' and that issue is that of abortion. The pro-abortion folks say that the organism growing within a womans womb isn't really a person until it is born. Therefore it is not morally wrong to terminate it for whatever reason the woman whose womb it happens to be gestating in deems acceptable.

As a Christian I cannot, in good conscience, agree with that assessment. I believe that God handcrafts each and every person and if that is the case then from the moment of conception they are a person, someone who was lovingly created by God and who God had planned a future for. It is therefore murder to end the life of that human being, no matter what reason I may have.

"What about in the case of rape?", you might ask. Honestly, while rape is a horrific act and is never justified under ANY circumstance the fact of the matter is that of a pregnancy does result that child is still a human being and no one should have the right to end its life. That child had no say in how it was conceived and to sentence it to death because of the crimes of its father isn't right by any standard I am aware of. You wouldn't put a kid on death row because his father was a rapist, a gun runner or a drug dealer would you? No, you'd go after the father and punish him.  Now, I can understand a woman in that situation not wanting to raise that child sure to the painful circumstances surrounding its conception but there are many couples out there who can't have children who would be more than willing to give such a child a god home by adopting them but that's another discussion for another day.

So why bring up abolitionists and them talk about abortion? What's the connetion? There is now an organization looking to abolish human abortion around the world. Their name: Abolish Human Abortion or simply AHA.

Ok, so what does any of that have to do with fighting the zombie inside? Stripping someone of their personhood so that you can trample their liberties for your own selfish reasons is the height of allowing your inner zombie to rule you. 

4G LTE

So why in the world am I bringing up 4G LTE?  This isn't a blog about technology so what am I up to?  Well, this past March my wife and I went to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in Louisville, KY and we were introduced to a way of presenting the gospel that was called the Four G's.  Each G stands for a different part of the gospel and we found it to be a compelling way to share the gospel and I'll get into that a little later in this post.  Those that know me know that I am a geek.  I love technology and so when I heard the Four G's I immediately chuckled to myself and thought of the 4G LTE but promptly got over it and simply began using the Four G's to present the gospel at my concerts.

The first G stands for Good.  In Genesis chapter 1 God says that his creation is good at the end of each day and at the end of the sixth and final day He says it is very good (verse 31).  God created everything good, very good in fact.  That was His original plan, that we would be good and He still handcrafts every single human being on the planet innately good.

Unfortunately, thanks to our first parents, that goodness was spoiled.  When Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil they brought the Guilt of sin upon the human race.  Why the whole race?  Because at the time they WERE the entire human race.  That sin nature, which here we call the zombie inside, means that every person born is guilty before God of sin and therefore must pay the price for that sin.  What is that price?  Death.

God in His infinite mercy doesn't wish for anyone to perish.  After all, He created the human race to be in relationship with him eternally.  So God, seeing that our guilt would bring us death and eternal separation from Him put into motion a plan whereby we might experience His Grace, His unmerited favor.  Because God is just He couldn't simply overlook our sin, the penalty for our transgressions had to be paid in full and no human being was ever going to be able to pay that price because none would be capable of living up to God's perfect standard.  That is why God came down himself in the person of Jesus to live among us.  He was subject to all the hardships and heartaches we are and yet was still able to live a sinless life, even in the midst of being falsely accused, tortured and ultimately killed by the most brutal and shameful means ever devised by man, crucifixion.  That was the plan all along.  One perfect man redeeming the entire human race, just as one man had condemned the entire human race to a life of hardship and suffering.

But just because Jesus paid the penalty for our sins God still wanted us to love Him for who He is, He still wanted us to choose Him.  That means that while the free gift of salvation is available to everyone and anyone each individual must, as Romans 10:9-10 tells us, Believe in his heart and confess with is mouth that Jesus is Lord and that God raised him from the dead then they shall be saved. Yeah, I paraphrased that but you get the point, it's up to each of us individually to choose to believe in and follow Christ.  By choosing to follow Him we will begin living our life in such a way as to please Him.  In other words we will live as He directs us out of a sense of Gratitude for what He has done for us.  Romans 12:1 says that we should offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God.  This is our spiritual act of worship.

So the 4G's are Good, Guilt, Grace and Gratitude but what about the LTE.  Well, that stands for Living Transformationally Everyday.  As we've discussed here numerous times, while we are new creatures in Christ there still lurks within us the zombie inside, that part of us which still wishes to live in darkness and attempts to drag us back from our relationship with God.  By Living Transformationall Everyday it reminds us that we are in a constant struggle to live as God has commanded us to live.  Until we arrive in Heaven we will have to fight against the zombie inside.  Therefore we must be in constant, active relationship with God everyday, seeking to become more like Christ so that we won't slide back into the darkness which He rescued us from.

4G LTE, the way we are meant to live.

Just Follow Your Heart...?

Just follow your heart.  We've all heard people say it and just about every sappy offering from Hollywood has either said it or eluded to it but is it such good advice? Not really.

Scripture says in Jeremiah 17:9,"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"  Even as far back as Genesis 6:5, "And the Lord saw that the sin of man was great on the earth and that all the thoughts of his heart were evil."  Why is this?  It has to do with our natural condition, the one we are born into, our sin nature.  Of course here on this blog we call it our inner zombie.  Basically our heart is where our inner zombie resides.  When you realize that it is no wonder that the Bible tells us that our heart cannot be trusted.

Zombie Food: Anger

Hi, my name is Roger Buzby and I am a murderer. Not in the literal I-just-went-out-and-physically-killed-someone way but in the Matthew 5:21-26 sort of way.  In other words, I have hate in my heart towards someone.  A lot of someones actually.  I find myself today in an epic struggle with not only my inner zombie, that is a daily struggle, but with God as well.

With the judgement handed down by the Supreme Court today on the Affordable Healthcare Act (aka Obamacare) the liberty of every American has been trampled into the dirt and our Constitution all but rendered of no consequence.  To add insult to injury the Chief Justice himself, long thought by myself and many others to be a conservative, cast the deciding vote to uphold the law by declaring that the individual mandate was not, in fact, a mandate at all but could be considered a tax. This blatant attack on individual liberty has me almost literally foaming at the mouth. My zombie of course is happy with this and has been trying to get me to consider truly horrific ways to fight back.  I am battling very hard within my mind not to dwell on these things, but it is hard.

I am reminded of another government that acted with blatant disregard for its citizens and ran roughshod over them first with taxes and then with martial law.  The citizenry finally had enough and through a long and bloody struggle overthrew said government and established a new republic in it's place.  The overthrown government was, as I'm sure you have figured out, the British Empire.  Now we find our own government, the government designed to avoid this kind of tyranny, perpetrating the same injustices upon us and there is a part of me that longs for someone to sound the call and rally the troops to fight them.  The question that is plaguing me now is, "Can I, as a Christian, partake in this kind of violent revolution when the cause seems so just?!".

My quandary lies in the fact that in longing for revolution I am holding hate in my heart towards those who are responsible for forcing this tyranny upon myself, my family and my fellow countrymen.  According to Matthew 5:21-26 says that in doing this I am breaking the commandment not to kill because the intent of my heart is not in line with God's.  My desire to see a revolution that will restore the liberties lost over the last 100+ years is in direct violation of God's command not to kill.  Furthermore, Jesus goes even further in verse 38-42 of the same chapter in refuting the idea of an eye for an eye.  He says not to resist an evil person but to turn the other cheek or go twice the distance commanded!  There is a part of me that rails and this, that is outraged at the very notion of what seems to me to be being instructed to simply roll over and play dead.  How can this be right?!  How can this possibly be what God wants me to do when evil abounds and my rights and liberties are being trampled upon and stripped from me against my will?!!

Ultimately though God is in control.  In Romans 9 Paul talks about the sovereignty of God.  Romans 8:28 tells me that all things work for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.  How do I know I love Him, I mean really love Him and not just say I do?  Jesus said in John 14:15 that if we love him we will obey him.  Wow, that's a hard teaching to follow.  My zombie would have me ignore this and go right on looking for a way to take back my liberties, by force if necessary but I can't, not and truly be a Christian.

Does that mean I can't do anything? I don't think so.  Our Founding Fathers put in place a system of government that gives us a way to exert control over our government in a non-violent way.  The system has become corrupt and is severely broken but if enough people get involved and make their desires known via that system I believe we can turn this ship around.  Of course God is ultimately in control.  It is well within the realm of possibility that this is the beginning of the end and no amount of political involvement will be able to change this.  In that case it is more important than ever that we obey the teachings of Jesus, even the ones that we don't like because ultimately that is how we will prove whether we genuinely love him.

Zombie Food: Frustration

I am so frustrated at the moment that I have caught myself literally grinding my teeth.  I hate it when people won't communicate, especially when there are looming deadlines.  I mean, come on, even if your answer is, "I don't know" at least it IS an answer!  The more I've mulled the situation over the more frustrated I have become, to the point where I have given serious (if brief) consideration to throwing up my hands and walking away from the whole situation.

We've all been in this spot, where our frustration at a person or situation has either made us consider quitting or maybe we did quit. I've traveled this road so many times it's not funny and many times I have acted upon this impulse to just walk away.  Unfortunately that reaction almost never ends well.  The reason is that I didn't take into account if that was what God wanted me to do.

See, my inner zombie feeds on my frustration and uses that as a way to manipulate me into making a decision that removes me from doing what God has called me to do.  Okay, so the zombie doesn't so much feed on our frustration but feeds into it, causing me to become angry and make poor decisions.  I must constantly be aware of this and when those feelings and thoughts come up I must make a conscious decision not to act impulsively but to seek to do God's will no matter how I might be feeling.

The other side of this, if it is an individual or individuals that we are frustrated with, is that we must deal with the situation in a godly manner.  That means following the guidelines given in Matthew 18.  I hate confrontation so this is even more difficult for me than most people.  Of course, as I've learned how to follow these simple instructions I've learned that most of the times things can be worked out.  Of course that does mean that actual communication is involved and since that's the problem I am having (my communications aren't being answered in any form) this does put a wrench in things.  Of course I've also learned that if I try hard enough I can usually track folks down and deal with things.

While I've learned not to quit in anger sometimes God does use these situations to show me that He wants me to go in a different direction.  The key is to not act rashly and seek God's guidance and then do what He says.  It isn't easy, especially when my emotions get in the way but hey, Jesus didn't promise us an easy life, he promised to make it worthwhile.

So now that I've ranted a bit I'm feeling a bit more calm.  Time to try calling again...

Zombie Mind Control: Addictions

While I have a blog with the word zombie in the title I have to admit I was shocked recently to hear about the "zombie attack" in Miami.  You know, the one where a man was munching on the face of another guy...on a bridge......while naked.  Yeah, total disbelief on my part until I read the reports and watched the news footage. It seemed almost unreal but when they mentioned that 'bath salts' were involved it became more believable.

Of course that got me thinking about the inner zombie and the role that addictions can play in that battle.  It made me think about how once we give into the curiosity surrounding a possible addiction, whether a substance or behavior, we have really given the inner zombie a blank check to control us whenever it wants.  Once we are addicted to a substance or behavior our resolve all but disappears whenever we are faced with the temptation to partake in that sin and the battle is over almost before it begins.

Now you may be thinking, "Sin?  Really?! Isn't that a bit of a strong word to use, especially given that the person(s) are addicted and can't help themselves?".  Well, as someone who struggles daily with an addiction, I can tell you that an addiction, if untreated and unrepented of, ends up usurping God's place in the life of that person and that is a sin.  The first commandment is that we won't have any other gods before the one, true God.

Now I'm not saying we shouldn't treat the addicted with compassion or shun them, quite the contrary!  We all deal with sin and many of us have suffered with an addiction of one sort or another.  For me, and many other men in the world, it is pornography.  I have to be very careful of what I watch and where I go online.  I have software (http://www.x3watch.com/) that tracks where I go and reports to my accountability partners if I go to a suspicious site.  I can't even walk by a Victoria's Secret without looking away.  My wife is aware of my struggle with pornography and so are many other people, including you now.  The more people who know the more people there are to help me not to fall into that trap.  My inner zombie knows that if it can get me to partake in my addiction it can then use the subsequent guilt to manipulate me into sinning more and not necessarily by looking at porn.  Once the guilt comes in I feel awful about myself.  My natural instinct is to withdraw from God and those who know of my struggle, to try to hide it.  I get angry very easily and you can kiss any kind of prayer life goodbye.  In short, if my zombie can get me to indulge he can cut me off from the source of my strength, God Almighty.

Addictions are not things to be taken lightly and if you struggle with one then you know what I mean.  If you aren't currently working to be free of your addiction I urge you to get help.  You need people in your life who can help you as you struggle to resist the temptation to partake.  You need to understand that there is no sin that can separate you from the love of God and you need to accept what Jesus has done for you.  That is the only way to free yourself, by surrendering to God and submitting your will to His.  In doing so you will find the greatest freedom you can know, freedom in Christ.

Does that mean you will no longer be tempted?  No.  It does mean that you won't be alone and that there is a strength far beyond your own that you can call upon to win each battle as it comes up and when you fail, you know that you can get back up, ask forgiveness and soldier on.  You can be secure in the knowledge that Jesus will never leave you, nor forsake you and will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can resist when you call upon His strength.

My prayers go out to the families of those involved in that gruesome scene in Miami and to the participants and witnesses of the event.  May they turn to the Lord and find comfort.

Zombie Attack: Sex Selective Abortion

There is much in the news about human trafficking nowadays and there are many groups actively fighting it around the world. My wife and I support Not For Sale Campaign as we believe that this is a worthwhile endeavor ( http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/ ).  Of course human trafficking is nothing more than a politically correct name for slavery.  Of those trafficked the vast majority are females and they are forced into the sex trade, often as young as nine years of age. These are the facts most often cited but it turns out that there is an element that traffics women to sell them as forced brides. Why would there be a market for brides?  As it turns out there is a growing trend that was first revealed in China but has spread across the world and has recently been exposed here in the USA: sex selective abortion.

In a nutshell sex selective abortion is just what it sounds like, choosing to abort a child simply because it is not the correct sex.  As it turns out the incorrect sex is female.  National Geographic made a film called China's Lost Girls that first brought this situation to my attention.  They were looking at girls being adopted overseas but ended up finding other situations including killing baby girls so that the family could try for a male child. This has caused a serious gender imbalance and they discovered that girls and young women were being kidnapped and forced to marry against their will.  It was very well done and I recommend watching it.  As of today (May 31st, 2012) it is still available for instant viewing on Netflix.

Now it turns out that a group called Live Action (http://liveaction.org/) has gone undercover in NYC and Austin, TX and found that Planned Parenthood is open to providing advice and abortion services for those who seek a sex selective abortion here in the USA.  They have placed the video, called 'Gendercide: Sex-Selection in America', on their website.  If they hadn't had the video evidence I don't know that I could believe that this is going on here in the US.  A Planned Parenthood spokesperson told a reporter at the Huffington Post, "This spokeswoman for Planned Parenthood Federation of America also told The Huffington Post that the organization condemns seeking abortions on the basis of gender, but its policy is to provide “high quality, confidential, nonjudgmental care to all who come into” its health centers. That means that no Planned Parenthood clinic will deny a woman an abortion based on her reasons for wanting one, except in those states that explicitly prohibit sex-selective abortions (Arizona, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and Illinois)." (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/planned-parenthood-video_n_1552672.html)

As a father of two wonderful girls I cannot imagine deciding to terminate one of them just so I could try for a boy and I fear for their future if this trend continues and the gender imbalance that exists in China finds it's way here.  Whether you are Pro-Life or Pro-Choice I believe you should find this trend disturbing. I know I do.

So what does this have to do with fighting the inner zombie?  Well, if terminating a pregnancy just because you don't like the gender of the child isn't giving into the zombie inside I don't know what is.

***On a personal note***

For me personally I don't think anyone has the right to choose to terminate the life of an unborn child. God tells the prophet Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." and the Psalmist tells us in Psalms 139:13 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."  To me it is clear that God doesn't create anyone by accident and that He has a plan for them.  It is the height of presumption for us to think we know better than He who should be born and who shouldn't.

Joyful Noise - A Movie Review (of sorts)

So every Thursday night my wife and I host a movie and game night for our youth group.  This past Thursday we thought it might be good to watch the movie "Joyful Noise".  We hadn't seen it but it looked like a good, uplifting film that would also be funny.  Needless to say we were shocked to find that while it did have some of those elements it was mostly an expose on faults that exist in the church here in America.

It was interesting to look at the many different ways that the battle with our inner zombie was portrayed.  Now granted, this was all done indirectly and I'm fairly certain it was accidental but it was fascinating.  The first thing we see is that there is a great deal of tension between the two main female characters and the pastor.  Throughout the movie there is a power struggle between those three parties.  Eventually it comes down to the pastor vs the two women with the pastor being manipulated by the rich lady into doing what they want by first threatening to withhold her tithes and offering and when that doesn't work she threatens to start her own church.  The desire to be in control is a strong  lever that our inner zombie uses to move us into a place where it can at least influence us if not take over outright.

Then there were two choir members who liked each other but didn't have the courage to say anything to the other.  When they finally do they end up fornicating (having sex without being married).  I know from personal experience that our sex drive is, perhaps, the most powerful weapon in the zombie arsenal.  It can be all but impossible to resist if we don't actively turn to Christ in the moment of temptation.

There was quite a bit of foul language in the movie which wasn't that unusual and the fact that half of the "Christians" used it without giving it a thought and the rest ended up using after looking down on the ones who did was a classic illustration of how Christians are perceived as nothing but hypocrites.  We all fall victim to hypocrisy, it isn't just a Christian failing but at times that seems to be the message of the movie, that Christians are the only ones known for this.

 Does the movie shed light on real issues of the heart?  Yes.  Does it portray the characters as flawed people who are trying to do what they think is right? Yes.  What it doesn't do is offer any actual instruction on the proper way to go about that nor does it show any of the characters as anything other than superficial people who act like they are better than those who don't go to church and that's a shame because there are many who are sincere in their faith and, while they stumble from time to time, really do try to walk with Christ to the best of their ability and who aren't the shallow, self-righteous control freaks we are made out to be in this movie.

Having said all of that, if you're looking for a movie that can jump start discussions concerning theology and the church in America and where we fall short then this just might be a movie you'll want to watch.  Why, because it does a good job at exposing many of the areas that the church in America needs to address (read 'repent of') in order to truly be effective at winning people to Christ.

Zombies Feeding Zombies

I read a short article today entitled, "Teaching Modesty in an Immodest World" (http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/am/v4/n4/modesty).  It was a short article but I thought it was good.  However, it focused entirely on teaching girls and said nothing about guys.  That got me thinking about feeding zombies.  Weird you say?  Not really.

The reason it brought up feeding time for zombies is that a girls inner zombie may drive her to bare skin in order to play to her vanity or to fulfill her need to be viewed as beautiful but in doing so her bared skin feeds the inner zombie of a guy.

Of course girls aren't immune to sexual temptation so the guy may dress immodestly to catch the eye of a girl.  Granted, the dress code is radically different for guys but they still can use a lack of proper clothing to entice a female and while the zombie inside the guy may be playing to his vanity in some way it is ultimately driving him to sin sexually with thereby damaging both of them.

Zombies feeding zombies.  See, not weird, perfectly rational.

Did God Really Say...?

Did God really say...?  It has to be the oldest assault on the human race ever.  Right in the Garden of Eden we see it being asked by the serpent as he places a seed of doubt in the mind of Eve and by extension, Adam.  At first glance asking this seemingly innocuous question seems to be looking for clarification of what God actually said but in reality it calls into question God's authority and his truthfulness and the question has not stopped ringing in the ears of humanity from that time until today.

This question is echoed in Peter's warning that in the last day scoffers would come pose essentially the same question regarding Christ's return (2 Peter 3:3-4).  It is also echoed in the mind of every believer who has ever struggled with doubts about their faith.  The inner zombie is very adept at using this question to try to trip us up. In the end though we must remember that Satan is a liar and that God is truth and in Him there is no lie nor any darkness.

Did God really say...why yes, yes He did.

Current Events: Zombies in Broad Daylight

In the past couple of days I have seen the number of zombies showing their faces in broad daylight increase exponentially.  Since NC became the  30th state to approve an amendment to their state constitution banning same sex marriages the number of zombie attacks has risen by an order of magnitude.  I'm not just speaking about the homosexuals and their supporters either, it's also been rising within those of us who call ourselves Christians.  As Christians we need to not let our zombie loose under the pretense of defending the Word of God.  Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't stand for what God has decreed as truth in His Word.  Quite the contrary, we need to speak the truth, but in love.  Simply lashing out in retaliation isn't doing that.

Ephesians 4:17-32 talks about how we, as children of light, are to put off our old selves (our inner zombie) and put on our new selves.  It reminds us that we were once sinners and that someone brought us the truth and  instructed us in its ways.  It tells us that we are not to act as the unbelievers do, nor are we to act in anger, but are to love and forgive even as we have been forgiven by our Father in heaven.

It is not easy to disengage from our anger. I should know I struggle with it daily.  It is also one of the emotions most used to give our inner zombie a voice, but according to scripture that is exactly what God expects us not to do.  The first part of the same chapter talks about becoming mature in Christ so that we will not be lead astray or worse yet, cause others to be lead astray from the truth of God's Word.  Throughout the entire chapter though is the theme of love.  God's love for us and that we are to love others the same way, to the best of our ability.

I have deliberately tried to keep this brief and refrain from 'preaching from my soapbox', so to speak.  It is not my attempt to convince anyone that same-sex marriage is a sin, though the Word of God clearly states that it is.  Why?  Because I cannot change anyone or their opinions through any form of discourse.  No amount of scripture quoting will convince someone who is disinclined to believe that the Bible is anything more than an outdated book that it contains the very words of the one, true God and that they should live their lives according to its precepts. Only the Holy Spirit can change a persons heart and mind and it is His job alone.  Mine is merely to present the truth and then lead by example by living my own life by that very same truth, to the best of my ability.  

Having said all that, a good friend of mine posted a link to a very well written and thoughtful article on the subject of NC's marriage amendment.  It is a good reminder why we as Christians should continue to stand by God's Word.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/jennifer-mcgee-porter/marriage-amendment-exposition/10151589921000627

MvF: Random Attacks or Precision Munitions?

Earlier today I tweeted a Myth vs Fact (MvF) that went like this, "Myth: Zombies attack anything that moves. Fact: Zombies choose their targets with care and then use precision munitions."  I'd like to talk about that a bit more because last night I had a proper nightmare for the first time since I was 8 years old.

When I was little I suffered from nightmares all the time.  Hardly a night would go by when I wouldn't have one.  Of course back then my dreams were full of vampires and werewolves and other such monsters.  Even awake I was afraid that the figures in my nightmares might suddenly become real and come after me.  I was scared at the prospect of sleeping and if I had a nightmare I would find myself getting up in the night and making my way to my parents bedroom.  Needless to say this got old for them really quick and soon I wasn't allowed to sleep with them anymore but that didn't stop me from sleeping on their floor just inside or just outside the door to their room.  Something about their physical presence made me feel safer and I could get some sleep.  Within a year of accepting Jesus the nightmares had stopped.  I had learned that, as 1 Timothy 1:7 so eloquently puts it, "God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love, and self-discipline."  This isn't to say that I never had a bad dream again, just not the full-blown nightmares I used to have.

Fast forward 30 years and I am a father myself and have dealt with my children having bad dreams so I can understand a bit of what my parents went through but I can honestly say that I understood what they were going through.  Now, my kids have never actually said they had nightmares, just bad dreams so I'll have to take them at their word and the few times I did ask them to go back to their beds they did while when I was little I would stand there and cry and go sleep outside my parents door.  For the last 30 years I have not had a nightmare.....until last night.

As I said before, when I was a kid my nightmares were inhabited by monsters of myth and legend.  Last night it was populated by demons and pedophiles intent on destroying my children.  I cannot even describe what I felt in my dream when I asked my youngest if the bad person had "touched" her and she answered yes.  Just writing about it now makes me want to weep with sorrow and anger at even the thought of that happening, just like I did last night when I was startled awake by this nightmare.

I believe that our enemy will use whatever tactics he can to separate us from our Father and fear is one of his strongest weapons.  Sometimes he uses it as a hammer and beats down our defenses until we live in a constant state of fear, much like I did as a kid.  When that doesn't work then he switches tactics.  Our inner zombie, ever seeking our destruction, knows us as well as anyone and is more than willing to help the prince of this world try to bring us back where it can have control over us.  So it switches to precision munitions.  I.e. it hits us where it hurts the most.  In my case it's the fear of not being able to protect my daughters from those who would prey upon them and steal their innocence.

When I awoke I immediately began praying and reciting 1 Tim 1:7 and within a few minutes had recovered sufficiently to attempt going back to sleep.  Even so, I continued to wake throughout the night for fear that maybe it hadn't been a dream.  Man, am I tired but in the light of day I see that my God has kept my children safe and I trust that He will continue to do so.

Ruminations on a battle hard fought but won.

Yesterday (Saturday) I went to Lewiston to shoot the "Out of Darkness" video with the help of Gerry LePage of Salvation's House and Russ Thorgerson of Living Waters Productions.  During the shoot I had to pretend to be watching porn on a computer and even though it was just a blank monitor that wasn't even hooked up to anything I was so ashamed to be seen sitting there because of what I was "doing".  I found it odd that even though I wasn't watching anything at all I still felt as though I had been caught doing something I shouldn't have been.  A part of me felt like Gerry and Russ had actually caught me in the act even though it's been years since I've engaged in that behavior.  What was worse was coming home and finding that I was actually tempted to do the very thing I had been pretending to do earlier in the day and had felt ashamed of.  To say my zombie was working overtime doesn't even begin to cover it.

Fortunately I was able to resist the urge through prayer and going to bed a bit early.  Addictions are funny things, we can seem to be completely free of them and think they are no longer a point of temptation for us and then BAM, from out of nowhere they strike and try to move back into your life and take over.  The kicker is that if you give in they come back seven times stronger than before. How do I know?  Easy, I have gone down that road myself a few times.

I believe this phenomena of addictions returning with a vengence may have partly been what Jesus was referring to in Luke 11:24-26 when he said, "When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the dessert, searching for rest. But when it finds none, it says, 'I will return to the person I came from.'  Si it returns and finds that its former home is swept and clean.  Then the spirit finds seven more spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there.  And so that person is worse off than before."  Of course if a person is not a Christian this could be what literally happens to them but as I understand it someone who has the Holy Spirit living inside of them cannot be possessed.  We can however, be strongly influenced and if those spirits are pressuring us from without and our zombie from within it would be impossible to resist on our own.

Jesus, thank you for giving me the strength and presence of mind last night to resist the temptation that was laid before me.  Lord I desire what the psalmist also desired and that is to simply to know you.  Amen.

Myth vs Fact. What's that all about?

Those of you who follow @fighthezombie on Twitter will probably have seen several posts that have given a myth and a fact about zombies.  I thought I'd take a quick moment to explain what that is all about.

Basically the 'Myth' portion of each post is a reference to how pop culture tells us zombies are.  For instance zombies are seen as slow, dumb, hungry for brains, etc.  They are part of the 20th century zombie mythos and are part of the modern zombie craze.  These are the zombies of the silver screen and video games and most folks will understand what the myth part is talking about.

The 'Fact' portion might be a bit more confusing.  When I'm talking about the fact portion I'm referring to the inner zombie residing inside every Christian.  Some times it's referred to as the "flesh" or the "old man" but whatever you want to call it it is the sinful state that Christ saved us from.  We fight it everyday whether we realize it or not and THAT zombie is very different from the zombie that Hollywood and Silicon Valley has shown us over the year.  Where the zombies of Hollywood are dumb as posts the inner zombie is cunning.  Where the zombies of Silicon Valley are persistent and come in hoards the inner zombie is primarily a lone hunter who has near infinite patience. Where zombies in pop culture tell us that zombies hunger for brains the inner zombie wants to control its host's brain.  This is not at all what we imagine when someone mentions the word 'zombie' to the average person in Western society.

You see, before Christ we are all slaves to sin.  We can't help it, we were literally born that way.  Once we have accepted Christ we then have a new master, Jesus but we discover in Romans that we also have a choice.  We can choose to serve one master (sin) or the other (Christ) but we cannot serve both.  The sad part is that many of us try.  I know I have and the results have been that I end up being the slave of sin rather than Christ.  It's not usually a quick process, reverting to listening to our inner zombie.  No the real zombie is patient and will try to get you to compromise on little things before moving on to bigger things.  It, in conjunction with Satan, will try to get you to doubt God's word.  "Did God really say that or did He mean something else?" is a common theme.  The zombie inside is subtle (usually) and is in this fight to win.  We must never let our guard down or underestimate the influence it can exert over us.

In future posts I plan to take each Myth vs Fact and expound upon them.  I think this will help shed light on the true zombie's nature.  Since information is crucial in any war, knowing how our enemy within thinks and acts should prove invaluable.  After all, as G.I. Joe taught a whole generation, "Knowing is half the battle!"

Out of Darkness

About 2 months ago I began writing what I thought would be a spoken word piece that my band would use to open our shows.  Once I finished writing it and rewriting it and rewriting it again (which is a big step for me, rewriting that it) I contacted someone about making the backing track for it.  Now, when I contacted him and asked him if he could and what such a project would cost I assumed that I would have plenty of time to talk to the band and see if this was something we would want to commission.  He got back to me very promptly with the information I had asked for and I thought that would be it until the band gave the final go ahead.  God had something else in mind.  Within a couple of days of informing the band of what I had found out (we were going to wait until our next meeting before making a decision) there was a sample track for me to listen to.  No one was more surprised than I was!  At first I was a bit upset as I hadn't cleared any work to begin on the project but when I went back over my communications I also noticed that I hadn't said to wait either, so I prayed.  When I informed the band of what was happening it was decided that we would move ahead with it even though the timing wasn't the greatest for the band.  In about a week we had a finished product and it is a great sounding track with a powerful message of hope through Jesus Christ.  Here is the final transcript:

"I remember those days, not so long ago, when I walked in darkness. Oblivious to even the existence of light, I hungered for things unwholesome. Like a zombie I shambled around blindly, living to hurt as I was hurting. Like Jacob Marley I felt the chains of sins committed weighing heavily upon me and feared that I would wear them for eternity. I longed for redemption but found only pain.  
Then, one day, I encountered someone who didn't run and would not be driven away. He was clothed in armor of pure light. He told me I was created by God to be his child and joint heir with his Son.  He spoke of my disobedience as though it was not a death sentence but merely an indiscretion, easily forgiven and forgotten. He told me that in the depths of my sin God had sent his son Jesus, to bear the penalty for my rebellion, and that I could be free of the chains that weighed me down.
I fell to my knees and cried out for deliverance and was granted salvation.  The rags I once wore were replaced with the robes of Christ’s righteousness, shining brilliantly for all to see.  Everywhere the light touched showed the decay and depths of depravity from which I had been rescued.  The man told me I was to put on the armor of God, pick up the sword of the Spirit and go forth to do battle. Not against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness that had once held my soul captive.  As silence fell I could hear my former self in the distance, whispering its desire to drag me back into the darkness. "
For various reasons we have chosen not to use it, at least for now.  So I got the bands blessing to use it for this work, getting the word out about fighting the inner zombie.  No sooner had that been settled than God brought someone along to help me turn it into a video.  While we are in the very early stages of putting this together I am very excited about working with Living Water Productions out of Lewiston, Maine on this and will post a link as soon as it is finished.

We are calling this project Out of Darkness.  I wrote this as an example of my own struggle with my inner zombie.  So often we feel alone or isolated and think no one else deals with the things we deal with.  My hope is that through this blog and projects like Out of Darkness that people will come to realize that they aren't alone, that there are others who are dealing with the exact same things they are and that there is hope. Christ is that hope, he has made a way for us to experience victory over our inner zombies.  It isn't a quick fix and it will take effort on our part, like all relationships do, but if we will believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord and that God raised him from the grave then we WILL be saved.  And if we make it our mission to simply seek God we will grow closer to Him and that is instrumental in helping us fight the zombie inside!

http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/27.html

Guilt: Good or Bad?

Guilt; it's something we are all familiar with.  For most of us not a day goes by that we don't feel guilty about something.  Part of that is our culture which loves to make us feel guilty in order to try to modify our behavior.  One ad makes us feel guilty for indulging in a dessert while another makes us feel guilty for NOT having indulged in a dessert.  Or we are made to feel guilty about not working out or not spending more money on presents  for loved ones.  The list goes on and on but that isn't the type of guilt I want to talk about today.  Today I want to talk about guilt and its roles when we sin or fall short.

So if I'm not talking about that kind of guilt what kind am I talking about and is it good or is it bad?  Well, there are two types of guilt that impact our spiritual lives.  The first is conviction.  Conviction is what we might call "good guilt".  Dictionary.com defines guilt this way: the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability:  Since by sinning we have transgressed God's moral law we are guilty and God is right to convict us of that sin.  Conviction  is brought by the Holy Spirit and is designed to bring us to a point of repentance and ultimately into a deeper relationship with Christ. You see, when God convicts us it isn't to condemn us but to bring us correction.  The Bible is full of examples of God correcting His children. The book of Proverbs tells us that those who heed God's correction are honored (Proverbs 13:18), show prudence (Proverbs 15:5), and gain understanding (Proverbs 15:32).  By bringing conviction God is attempting to shape and mold us into the person He created us to be.  It isn't for our destruction but our benefit.

Condemnation, on the other hand, is a completely different animal.  It does not come from God but from the Enemy.  It is the form of guilt that seeks to separate us from God and destroy us which is why I refer to it as "bad guilt".  Where conviction desires to see us return to God and be forgiven condemnation seeks to enslave us and shame us into hiding from God.  It doesn't want to see us forgiven, it wants to see us forever separated from God in the hopes that we will never see heaven.  Obviously this isn't something that we want as part of our lives and for those of us who have placed our faith in Christ the Bible tells us that there is no longer any condemnation for us now that we are in Christ (Romans 8:1) so how is it that we sometimes find ourselves under condemnation?

Our inner zombie isn't our friend and wants us to return to the darkness from which Christ saved us.  It is an opportunist and so when it manages to get us to sin it then takes the conviction that the Holy Spirit within us brings and attempts to disguise it as condemnation.  It is when we buy into that lie that we find ourselves no longer being drawn to God through conviction but instead find ourselves feeling isolated from God.  Our zombie wants us to feel as though the transgression is so great that God won't take us back.  If we feel that way we will most often run and hide as we cannot bear the thought that we have wounded God so grievously that He would turn His back on us.

So what are we to do then?  We need to be ever vigilant not to allow ourselves to fall victim to the lie that conviction is the same as condemnation.  If the guilt we are experiencing isn't prompting us to seek God and His forgiveness but instead is urging us to run from God then we need to call it what it is and remember Romans 8:1-6 which says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.  And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us,  who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.  Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.  The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; -NIV"  We need to also remember 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. -NLT"  Self-discipline to remember that those of us who have placed our faith in Christ do not have to live under condemnation but can come to God, ask for and receive His forgiveness and then draw closer to Him.  The closer we grow to God the more often we will win in our skirmishes with the zombie inside.

Isolation Tactics

I'd like to talk about something that has been on my heart and mind lately.  I've begun to notice something that, up until now, hadn't really registered.  I've known for a while now that my inner zombie wants to gain control of me and send me running back into the darkness which I was born into but was delivered from through my faith in Jesus.  When in active combat with the zombie I am aware of it's presence and that it is trying to wrestle control from my spirit but when I am not in a struggle with my zombie I tend not to give it much thought.  I'm beginning to think that has been a mistake.

You see, I am not the most observant of people and if something is not on my immediate radar I tend to not give much thought to it.  I simply go about tending to what is on my radar.  I'm beginning to think that I am always on my zombie's radar and that it uses these times when I'm not paying attention to it to work behind the scenes to get me in a position where it can gain the advantage.  I guess I'm like a Captain on the front lines who hasn't been attacked on the left flank in a while and so I stop paying attention to it while unbeknownst to me my enemy is quietly moving forces there in order to launch a surprise attack.

The thing I keep forgetting is that my zombie is in cahoots with Satan.  My zombie hates the light and actually wants me to be devoured be the enemy so it can live in the darkness permanently. In 1 Peter 5:7-9 says: 

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
In verse 7 it talks about casting our anxiety on God because He cares for us.  Anxiety can be a big factor in our becoming isolated from those around us.  We tend to not want people to see us as weak and so when stress begins to build we tend to try to hide what we're feeling and in doing so we build a wall of sorts to keep others from seeing just how bad things are getting.  In doing this we are separating ourselves from our support and making ourselves a more appealing target.  You see, when we are under stress we tend to forget that there are brothers and sisters around the world who are dealing with similar issues to what we are facing.  We get it into our heads that we are the only ones dealing with a situation like the one we currently find ourselves in.  When we begin thinking that way our natural inclination is to remove ourselves from the company of others for fear that we will be exposed and therefore become an object of shame and ridicule.
Verse 8 talks about the devil looking for someone to devour.  In comparing the devil to a lion Peter is giving us a glimpse into the enemies tactics.  When lions hunt, they, like most predators, will go after a prey item that is isolated from the rest of its group and bring it down by taking it by surprise.  The devil operates in much the same way, he looks for someone who is isolated and then attacks when they are the most vulnerable.  Usually this is when they are stressed out and paying the least amount of attention.  Since the devil and his demons can't be everywhere at once our inner zombie plays a significant role in this hunt.  Since our zombie is a loyal soldier in the Enemy's camp it is always watching us, waiting for the perfect moment to strike and while it will occasionally call for reinforcements it most often launches its attacks all on its own.
I find it interesting, however, that the first part of verse 8 talks about being self-controlled and alert.  So even though I've known the last half of this verse for years I have to admit that I hadn't noticed the first part at all but that is the part that I think is key to being able to carry out verse 9's exhortation to stand firm and resist the devil.
Galatians 5:16-26 talks about living by the Spirit of God and in verses 22 and 23 it lists the fruits of the Spirit in which we find self-control among the listed fruits.  It should come as no surprise then that self-control is key in resisting the devil.  Being self-controlled means that we are alert and aware of what is going on in and around us and so we become much less of a target.  A lion is looking for prey that isn't paying attention as it might be spotted and will have expended energy with nothing to show for it.  Also, by being self-controlled we are more prepared to put up a fight should we find ourselves under attack from without or within.  It also means that we are more tightly in tune with the Holy Spirit within us and are therefore able to mount a formidable defense and may even be positioned to go on the offense should the situation lend itself to such a tactic.
All of that to say that our inner zombie is always on the prowl and so we must be alert to its presence and tactics.  In being aware of that simple fact we should draw close to God and ask Him to develop within us Godly self-control that we might be best able to resist when the inevitable attack comes.  Lastly, we should remember that we aren't the only ones facing whatever circumstance we currently find ourselves in.  In fact 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." By remembering that it should help us to remember not to allow ourselves to become isolated either from God or our brothers and sisters in Christ as they can help us to overcome.

Another Zombie Resource

This theme of battling the inner zombie has been on my mind for several years.  As a singer/song writer I have spent most of it trying to write a song about it rather than just write about it.  While I have (finally!) succeeded in doing just that God has made it apparent that I wasn't the only person who He was impressing this upon.  How do I know that?  Simple, someone DID write about it.

The book is called the Christian Zombie Killers Handbook - Slaying the Living Dead Within (http://www.amazon.com/The-Christian-Zombie-Killers-Handbook/dp/1595554386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335194664&sr=8-1) and it is a fantastic book.  The author takes what could be a very dry subject and turns it into not only an entertaining book but one that is a fairly quick read.  He does this by starting every chapter with part of a fictitious story about a guy named Ben who lives in a world where physical zombies are real and are becoming an increasing menace. Each section of the fictitious story illustrates the point he's going to make in that chapter so going back and forth between reading about Ben and reading about what the author has to say about the subject flows fairly well.

The book does a great job of laying out what scripture says about this inner battle.  It is very thorough and thoughtful at the same time.  If you get a chance I would recommend picking this up, it is definitely worth reading.

Hunger and the Zombie

My wife and I are youth leaders and this past Friday (April 20th, 2012) we led our students in World Vision's 30 Hour Famine.  Wow, what an experience.  Over the course of the 30 hours we learned about the countries of Kenya, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, and Bolivia.  The students played games that taught them how hard life can be when you are hungry or have to walk miles one way to get water.  They learned about how malaria is killing thousands of children when a simple bed net can help solve the problem.  Of course the entire time I was interested in seeing what being hungry for that long would do to the inner zombie...

Actually, it took longer than I thought for the first zombie to really emerge.  At about 10pm the littlest among us, my daughter Winter, lost it.  Earlier in the day they had made shelters out of found materials such as cardboard, twine, scraps of tarps, etc. She was very proud of her tribe's shelter and it was damaged during the late night game.  For a while she just cried in the corner and then, all of a sudden, with no warning at all she went nuts on the kids playing the game.  Now she was only 9 (she had been receiving meal replacement shakes because of her age) and here kids twice her age suddenly found themselves on the wrong end of her fury!  Winter is normally a very happy go lucky girl and not too much bothers her so these kids had never seen her in a rage and had no idea what to do.  Fortunately for the other students her mother, my wife, was there to pull her back and send her downstairs.  Unfortunately for her my zombie had heard the howl of hers and had managed to catch me off guard and take control.

To say that the confrontation between our two zombies was brief is certainly true but it was hideously ugly none the less.  She hadn't even made it down the stairs and I whisked her away to one of the classrooms in the church, read her the riot act for her behavior and shut the door and made her wait 5 minutes in solitary confinement.  Of course once the shock of being closed in a room by herself wore off she started a temper tantrum in the room with much banging on the table therein.  This action by her zombie infuriated mine and so in I went with my zombie on full howl.  She quickly discovered that perhaps it hadn't been the best move to have let loose as she had and her zombie retreated leaving her to deal with mine.

The whole thing was over in less than 10 minutes but as I regained control I could see that it had had a profound affect on those who witnessed it.  Most of them had never seen either of us go off the deep end like that and you could see in their eyes that they never wanted to witness it again.  The rest of the evening was fairly quiet and despite many of them talking big about staying up all night it wasn't long until everyone fell asleep.  This had all happened just 11 hours into the Famine.

The next day you could see the other zombies stirring as the day wore on.  Chips began to form on shoulders, snide remarks became the standard, and some people who had been fairly jovial were beginning to get annoyed at every little thing.  By the time clean up time came many zombies had all but taken over their hosts and you could see it in the hosts eyes.  Then came the time to break the fast.  All the kids thought we were going to lay out a spread right then and there but we didn't.  We broke the fast with CSB. peanut butter balls.  CSB stands for Corn Soy Blend and is what is given to people suffering from extreme and/or extended malnutrition.  It is very nutritious but has a weird taste and texture and is bland in the extreme.  In the state these kids were in it was easy for their zombies to take over and the complaints started to fly!  I think many of them remembered the night before so no one got crazy but they were NOT happy that we had not given them "real" food and weren't shy about letting us know what they thought of the CSB and our serving it to them.  They didn't care one bit that this was what was served to starving people and that we had wanted them to have just a taste (literally) of what these folks had to deal with when they had been starving for an extended period of time.  The peanut butter balls, which are also a food given to folks who have gone hungry for an extended period, helped soothe the savage beasts.  Of course there were a few students who were just thrilled to have something, anything to eat and enjoyed several helpings of the CSB.  I thisnk they got the point of the exercise.

In looking back I suppose I should have anticipated that being that hungry could set the stage for a full on zombie take over but I hadn't and while I find it interesting to see that in groups zombies seem to establish a sort of hierarchy I would have been much more satisfied with the whole event if mine hadn't been one of the zombies let loose.  Next year I will be better prepared...I hope.

So what did I learn?  That you must be ever vigilant in the fight against the Zombie inside.  Doubly or triply so when you are in stressful circumstances because when your body is in survival mode that's when you are most vulnerable to a zombie attack.  When you are weakened physically, mentally, spiritually or any combination of the three you should increase your zombie threat level to red because an attack is imminent.

There are two things I swore I'd never do.  The first was Tweeting. I said it was stupid and I'd never have an account. You can now follow me at @fighthezombie.  The second was blogging.  I couldn't figure out why people would even want to do it.  Obviously if you're reading this you already know that I might be getting a clue about that as well.  That said you might be wondering why the sudden change of heart?  Why start now?  I'll tell you why.

I discovered this week that just writing the first blog post was therapeutic for me.  I never would have guessed that blogging could be a tool for fighting the inner zombie.  Of course when I wrote the first entry I never would have guessed that anyone would actually read it!  Imagine my surprise when I got an email from my best friend who had run across it and thought I could use a few words of encouragement.  He was right of course but that wasn't why I had written it, to illicit sympathy from others.  I simply needed to get my thoughts out of my head.

So what was it about that simple act of writing that helped me so much?  I think it was the fact that these thoughts were no longer just rattling around in my brain with all the other thoughts and emotions.  There was something about having to organize them in order to write them out that helped me get a grip on exactly what I was thinking and feeling.  It also gave me the ability to go back and re-read what I had written the next day and that helped give me clarity as I could look at the situation from a more dispassionate position.  The thing I think that was the most powerful though was that I was able to give the part of me that desires to follow Christ more than anything in the world a clear, strong voice.

If you've ever tried to hear what someone is saying while at a large sporting venue with tens of thousands of cheering fans you'll know what I mean by giving the Spirit within me a clear, strong voice.  When everyone else is cheering it's almost impossible to talk to the person seated right next to you.  If you aren't a person with a strong voice you will be drown out.  Even if you do have that strong voice you have to really project to be heard even a little bit.  You see, the zombie inside is like the cheering fans only it howls in rage inside your mind trying it's best to drown out the voice of it's enemy.  It knows that if it can keep your spirit from hearing clearly from the Holy Spirit then you might falter and listen instead to the louder voice.  This happens to all of us far more often than I think we'd like to admit.  What I have discovered is that writing actually DOES help.  So for all the folks I've ever looked at funny or scoffed at for blogging you have my most sincere apologies.  It turns out that, as usual, I'm a little slow on the uptake in these matters.  Oh well, I can appreciate the irony and am actually getting a chuckle out of it.

Most Holy Father, I cannot thank you enough for revealing to me yet another way to fight the zombie inside. Lord lead me and guide me by your Holy Spirit into all truth and help me to stand strong against my inner zombie.

Inner zombie?!

Fighting the inner zombie?  What is THAT all about.  Well in a nutshell it is the battle that all Christians fight within themselves.  We know we are "saved" and are trying to live our lives in a way pleasing to Christ but find ourselves doing and saying things we shouldn't.  The crazy thing is that we KNOW we shouldn't do or say it even as it happens.  We aren't the only ones who have faced this.  Paul devotes most of Romans 7 to the topic. Starting in verse 15 he says this, "15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.22For in my inner being I delight in God's law;23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?25Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." 
I am currently in a pitched battle myself.  I have been hurt by many close to me and to be fair some of their accusations are valid and there are areas I need to work on. However much has transpired that has me ready to wash my hands of the whole situation and walk away.  Will I?  Honestly, I don't know.  My emotions are screaming at me to lash out, hurt them like they've hurt me.  My inner zombie wants me to unleash a verbal assault that will leave them scarred and broken for the rest of their lives.  Another part of me just wants to walk away and try to forget I was ever involved with them in the first place.  Twenty years ago I would have done the former.  Fifteen years ago I would have done the latter, both times I would not have consulted God about what He wanted me to do.  Now though I am older and God has taught me many things chief among those being that my feelings lie to me.  I can't trust them in making decisions.
If I can't even follow my own heart (that's the worst advice ever in my opinion) than who can I trust?  Who can I turn to during these times of duress?  Certainly there are no end of opinions from folks around us but ultimately the only one in all of creation that is truly trustworthy and always knows what's best for us in our Father in heaven.  Problem is, in times like these my natural inclination is to run away from the light, not towards it.  The inner zombie knows this and uses it to it's advantage.  It wants us to go back into the dark because it is tired of being locked away like a misbehaving pet (at best) or (at worst) being crucified daily. It makes us feel ashamed for even having thought about not running to God with the issue at hand and then tells us that since we're so evil for having thought that way we might as well just act on it since God won't want to have anything to do with us now!
Of course that's the exact opposite of what we need to do.  We are imperfect beings and we have to fight to do what is right ever moment of every day, or at least I do.  Like Paul I daily find myself doing or saying things I know I shouldn't and that in my spirit I don't want to do.  As I've matured spiritually the daily things have become easier to overcome (though the battle still takes place) but when the big storms, the nor'easters if you will, assault us that's when the battle really begins.  And I'll be honest, I don't always win.  
You see, I hate confrontation of any kind.and when it comes my body dumps adrenaline into my system at gallons per second.  When that happens I can no longer think straight.  I want out and if I can't get "out" then I attack.  Not physically mind you, but verbally.  Growing up that was what was modeled in my house and I learned my lessons all too well.  Well enough that even if I do get away from the situation the adrenaline flows for hours afterwards and the most horrible things I could possibly do to the person(s) that hurt me go racing through my head.  Quite honestly, it scares me almost to death when I see myself go into this pattern.  I feel like Bruce Banner watching from inside his mind as the Hulk tears around, completely out of control.
So if I know this about myself how do I battle it?  Constant prayer.  I don't necessarily sequester myself away from the world for days on end but I do pray whenever I am alone or find myself beginning to fantasize about what I could say or do to inflict harm on the object of my hurt/wrath.  I also find solace in playing my guitar and praising God in the midst of the storm.  You see, when I am in this state I have a hard time hearing anything above the sounds of battle raging in my mind.  It takes me a long time to be able to distinguish God's voice from my own.  I know that if I'm not careful I will either miss God's voice or worse, ignore Him altogether.
Lord I ask right now that you would calm my inner storm.  That you would bring me to a place of peace where I can hear you clearly.  Forgive me for the things I have said and thought.  Show me where to place my feet that I might walk in the victory that you have already provided me because right now I need that more than anything!